Wanderings...

I feel vulnerable and I feel alone. It was the most vulnerable I ever felt in a relationship. I gave it all. There wasn't much more I could do to show how I felt about her. I loved her deeply and passionately. And now the best thing I can do for you her and myself let her go.

So, its been some time. I almost got married. Almost only counts in horseshoes. And I hate horseshoes.

I was writing a lot about biking on here before. At the moment I have about as good of a relationship with biking as I did with Jenny. I was smothering them, so they kicked me out!

I built a nice fire pit today. It was a lot more work than I expected. I'm thinking living at my parents house won't suck as much if I can entertain people here. Suck? What at I talking about? I made the bed I'm sleeping in. And I have the best night sleeps. OK so hopefully it'll make my life more interesting. A what would life be without possessions right?

I'll let you know how it goes.

Rode in BH yesterday. Rocked the single speed. Love it. Its a pain in the ass too ride. It makes going up hills harder than I ever thought it could be. Any yet I love it. What it MTBing supposed to be easy? Ohh, my thighs.

So I kept seeing other mountain bikers in the place. WTF? I thought only a select few rode in BH. Hm maybe we need those team BH jerseys. And we need them fast. If only to assert how big out balls are. I would have stopped to chat them up but I was too busy smoking them.

Rode to Gloucester with Fred and Matt Today. About 60 miles. 60 hard miles. We were all pretty smoked at the end. Feels good to go back and forth between single-speed and geared bikes. Becuase of the transition I never feel at home on either one.

Most years I'll get to a place where I'm "comfortable" with my fitness level and feel like I'm "fast enough." I'm going to try to just keep pushing the envelope this year. See what happens. I'm really anxious about the expert races coming up. I can't be in worse shape than last year. Looking back to the first race last year, the Glocester Grind, I felt like a fish out of water. And I certainly couldn't have gone out and killed it for 60 miles on the road at that time either...

Took the single-speed to Harold Parker today:

Off balance. Fat and overweight. Out of shape. That's what riding a single-speed makes me feel like. Its a crazy full body work out. My whole body ends up feeling physically exhausted. This is way before my legs give out. And yet I like. I like it for the same reasons I got into 29ers in the first place. Its different. The way I look at it is if you get to the point where you feel like are really good at something, you probably aren't going to get much better after that. Single-speeding must be teaching my body a new way of riding. It certainly feels totally foreign. Hopefully it will make me a more well rounded cyclist.

It was the cold rain that sobered me. It was fact that I hadn't seen the sun in a couple of days. I was in a bad mood. And I was riding. There was 4 inches of water on the road at one point. I rode so much this winter that riding in the nice weather does not seem to have as much luster as riding in bad. I've taking a liking to staring the cold, the night, the rain, the snow, in the face, and riding anyway.

By the time I got home my feet were soaked and numb. When I got in the shower, they were itchy and burning like mad from the luke warm water. It was bad. I did it.

I don't know when my next ride will come. When I go it won't have anything to do with the weather, the time of day, or anything that I planned. It will be a window between things. And I will ride that bike silly within that window.

Main thing I miss is anticipating rides. My schedule is pretty damn tight these days. Sometimes you find yourself doing so much that you can't see whats next, you can't see what you're doing, and God help you if anyone asks you what you just did.

When you start doing LJ entries in the third person, you know you're going a little nutty. But that's why I ride. It helps me make sense of it all, and soothe jangled nerves. Breakheart was rather muddy in spots tonight. Rather spooky too. At one point I heard a flopping noise coming from behind me. Thinking my tube was flat, I stopped. Nope. Still good. So I start up again and there it is. The flapping. This time from up above. I train my light on the trees. I scan them in the silence. A huge bird, an owl probably, takes flight as soon as my beam strikes him. The flapping pierces the night, and then it is gone. I press on. The rest of the ride was largely uneventful. Save for me endoing at the beach. I was attempting to cross a newly cut stream. It proved deeper than it looked, and proceeded to grab my front wheel and not let go. So home I went. Soaked, covered in sand, and being really glad that I have only one gear on my bike to clean when all is said and done.

Quick trainer ride today. Very refreshing. I really like the trainer workout I feel it really does make me faster. Too bad its so boring.

The winter was a success.

I missed a couple of ride updates in here.
Did a road ride and my route was cut off my flooding. I also went riding with Fred, Matt, and for the first time on a road bike ever: Nathaniel.

Got some new gearing for my single speed. Now running 32X22. We'll see if the trails ever dry out. Tis only March.

The new Jet 9 looks awesome. Should be here the end of April if I'm lucky.

Thats all for now. Going into City Cycle 2 hrs early.

Just got back from Breakheart. Was supposed to go to the Fells with Fred, but after getting all the way there I realized I forgot my shoes. I would waste any life. As incredibly frustrating as it was, it was prob for the best. I wasn't really thrilled about doing a night ride without a pump. And I should have put tights on as it was chilly.

So I went to the condo, got the shoes and some tights. Went to my parents house, put the pump on, and the proper seat bag and was off. It was about 8:30 by this time. Good ride if a little short. Single speeding is weird. Not quite good, not quite bad. But somehow I can see how people say its addictive. When you're riding all you can think about is how you're not in the right gear, but you ride over stuff anyway and its all OK.

I was running a 32x20 and think I should have a 32x22 for BH. I did notice that you don't really get tired pushing a hard gear. I got out of breath a couple times, but did not feel any burn in my legs, no lactic acid. Strange.

As I'm typing this I find myself wishing I was still out there. In the cold. Breath steaming from my lips. Standing on the pedals in a vein attempt to understand the situation. Am I hooked?